The Santa-free Home
As someone who never grew up believing in Santa, and never felt sorry about it, I didn’t realize how contentious of a topic Santa and those dang elves are in the parenting world. I get it… many parents work hard at making these magical moments associated with the belief of Santa come alive for their kids, and that can lead to feeling personally attacked when a parent expresses a different belief around the time-honored tradition of telling our kids a man is going to come through their chimney on Christmas Eve.
When I have shared with friends, or posted about, our decision to forego Santa in our house I’m often met with negativity…
“Your kid better not ruin it for my kid.”
“You aren’t letting your kids experience the true magic of Christmas!”
“A little white lie never hurt anyone.”
… and while everyone is allowed to have their own opinions and thoughts on how Santa fits into their Christmas traditions, what if I told you that the decision to forego Santa was not because of religious reasons or because I want to be a self-righteous negative nelly — but because we want to preserve the Christmas magic?
Some backstory
Me and my husband both grew up without the belief that Santa isn’t real. For him, it was because his parents didn’t want him questioning the belief of Jesus if he found out they lied about Santa; and for me, it was because my genius sister (she literally is a genius — it’s annoying) asked my mother if he was real when she was three-years-old and my mother didn’t have the heart to lie and so the rest of us kids grew up without the belief.
And the thing is, both of us grew up without Santa and both of us found the Christmas season incredibly magical regardless. Think about it… during Christmas there are twinkle lights, jolly music, gift-giving, and so many yummy treats. Our Christmas holidays had just as many presents and just as much fun devoid of sitting on an old man’s lap.
Every year, I was still amazed at the transformation my living room took overnight after going to bed on Christmas Eve. We would curl in our beds and my parents would say we had to sleep before they could make the magic happen — and we’d wake up to all the presents laid out, cinnamon rolls, and tree-lit wonders as we bustled out of our rooms to see what our parents had gifted us.
…and guess what?? None of that magic ended at any point because none of it was based on a lie.
This Year’s Christmas Tree
Almost all of my friends who grew up with a normal belief in the classic Santa tradition (bearded man flies around on Christmas Eve and delivers presents to every boy and girl), had a monumental Christmas catastrophe the year they learned it was all made up. Almost all of their Christmas magic; the presents, the pictures, and milk and cookies; had been tied to a lie.
Obviously, most got over it in a year or two and I’m sure most of them are now enjoying the Santa traditions with their kids. But, since neither me nor my husband had a year where the Christmas magic came crashing down, we didn’t see the need to put our own children through a needless holiday pummel.
So, here is how we handle Santa our own way, while still respecting the heart of what Santa represents to our communities.
We don’t lie to our children… ever.
This is it’s whole own topic, but we adamently don’t lie to our children. If they are old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to get an answer. Is that answer often simplified, or certain things are left out to stay age appropriate? Absolutely. But we don’t tell a blatant lie.
When approaching Santa, we waited until my oldest child brought him up to us. She became acquainted with the idea of Santa through holiday books and movies, but in preschool she learned from friends the story of Santa bringing every child in the world presents in one night. As she recounted this new revelation to us, she immediately asked, “Is this true??”
When asked by my children about the truth of Santa, I tried to give my most honest answer while still being respectful of other people’s parenting choices around their own holiday traditions.
We tell our children that Saint Nicholas, who Santa is based on, was a real person. He was a generous man who selflessly gave away things to children in his community whose parents could not provide those items for them. I then explained that people use Santa as a representation of St. Nicholas, both as an opportunity to give presents to those they love or who need them in their community.
We have then explained to our kids that lots of people like to play “pretend” and act like Santa is the one who is bringing them their Christmas presents, when it is typically their family providing the gifts. We also have told our children that many parents play this game, and the kids don’t always know it is pretend, so it’s really important to play along with the game and not spoil the fun for their family.
As my children have gotten older, we now wrap Santa into our secret Santa shopping we do each year for the Angel Tree program at my eldest’s school. Each year when we get the person we have been assigned to shop for, me and the kids go to the store and “play Santa” for the child we were assigned.
I have struggled with the idea of my kids potentially revealing the truth to a friend whose family may choose to place a lot of importance on Santa. While I am doing everything in my power to make sure my kids don’t “spoil” it for anyone, I am also aware that kids don’t have great self control. I have though, been pleasantly surprised, by how little my kids seem to care about the truth of Santa. I believe since we were honest with them right out the gate, they haven’t put much weight into the ceremony and don’t realize they are holding a big secret from their friends.
In the end, me and my husband decided we were not going to be pressured to lie to our kids, against our conscience, for other parents.
I do not blame any parents for their desire to keep on the family tradition of the belief of Santa, and hopefully other parents can expend the same courtesy to the families who forego it.
Our Christmas Traditions
Getting a real Christmas Tree and decorating the house while listening to the Elvis Presley Christmas Album.
Each kid picking a new ornament each year.
Walking through the lights at Sar Ko Park with homemade hot chocolate.
Visiting Crown Center — train sets, Christmas displays, ice skating, and eating at Fritz.
Elf Advent Calendar with candy each day (not THE elf — an elf shaped advent calendar my grandma made for me when I was a kid).
Christmas Eve Church followed by a big dinner and one small present to be opened before bed.
Matching Kid Christmas Pajamas
The Pickle Ornament (A pickle-shaped ornament that is hidden in the tree — first kid who finds it gets a share present, usually a game).
Christmas Day Hike.
Cinnamon Rolls on Christmas Morning!
